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Many couples think that marriage is a bad choice today.
Nowadays, we increasingly check that many couples judge that the family is of less importance than work, since he and she both begin to consider that the work makes them more self-fulfilling. They also think that the education of children is not their own activity, but of people they consider to be lower level, such as teachers and normalists. And so the home becomes a qualified hotel, and the children grow up without enough love and family unity.
The losses mentioned in the previous articles of this series, Life has become difficult for us, especially those of love and morals, are leading us to a continuous deterioration of the family. The percentage of children born outside a family is increasingly high. We are even calling "marriages" and "families" to unions that do not really respond to those names. The lack of a stable commitment indicates poverty of love in the relationship of such couples. Their children grow up without breathing the due marital love of their parents, nor the authentic family love; they develop with a void of love in their hearts and tend to become future misfits or evildoers, because that void becomes resentment.
It has been repeated that the family is the cell of society. Taking an anglicistic turn we would say that families are the building blocks of the social factory. And it is true, however much the repetition has worn out such phrases. In addition, the nucleus of the family is the conjugal unit, and the cohesive fuel of the conjugal union is conjugal love. Therefore, marriage and family stability, mental and emotional hygiene of children and, finally, the health of society, today in the process of globalization, depend on marital love. In short, world health ultimately depends on conjugal love.
That is why it is so important to know the nature of conjugal love. Can we design it or is it already designed? Is it based on marriage or can we achieve it in other types of unions? How does it start, how does it end, what is its duration? How does it work or how is it exercised? Is it a means to an end or is it an end in itself? These are questions to which we must seek answers in a personal way in order to achieve convictions, because trying to follow family, social or religious traditions, without conviction, is something that is no longer working.
Although the articles in this series can be read independently, there is a relationship between them; due to which the reading of each one will be better used if it is related to that of the others, which can be found by activating the link offered immediately:
Life has been difficult for us
Spousal love is so important that losing family is almost equivalent to losing spousal love. Without conjugal love, the family hardly emerges, already emerged it works poorly, and its functions are already in danger. Even so, we tend to rebel against what implies obligation in conjugal love, which, like all love, is free. We tend to rebel against what is intended to regulate our free acts; and that is why we tend to rebel against morality.
The same does not happen with respect to what does not depend on our freedom, such as physicochemical laws or our reality of human beings. However, as our freedom expands, thanks to technology, our rebellion is also increasing. For example, many no longer accept their own sex, and advances in genetics will soon allow alterations to be experienced in human nature itself.
Whatever the case may be, it is certain that marital love is free, and that it is feasible and attractive to rebel against it and against the obligations that it implies, all the more so if they are of a conjugal and family type. In addition, there is the idea that having freedom is being able to do what you want, without obligations; and also that, since love is free, it does not imply obligations.
There are obligations in freedom
The reality is just the opposite: we can have obligations precisely because we are free. There are traffic lights because we are free to stop before them; nobody puts traffic lights on a river, because the river is not free to stop before them. Putting traffic lights on rivers would be much easier and cheaper than building dams. Obligations are not freedom, but they are certainly signs of freedom, because they imply it. Therefore, there can be and in fact there are obligations that regulate our freedom, also in relation to love, and in particular to conjugal love; but as we are free, we can violate those obligations.
These obligations are reasonable, good, and their existence makes our lives more bearable and enjoyable, especially in an accelerated world, like today. We all know that in a city with heavy traffic, such as Mexico, it is more difficult to drive when traffic lights are off, as traffic jams immediately occur. And the same happens with the obligations of life; That is why today, as our “vital traffic lights” go out freely, we are being “vitally bottled”.
One person told me the following: If I had been an advisor to God at the time of creation, things would have been ... very different! It may be good to try that experiment. Respecting what is already given, such as human nature, the force of gravity and so many other things, let us at least design and project - at our own discretion - the way of being of conjugal and family free acts.
Should parents be the educators of their children? Should children obey their parents? Is monogamy convenient, or is polygamy, polyandria or total promiscuity preferable? Is it convenient for the family to live under one roof, sleep together, eat together and have a schedule, even if it is minimal and flexible? Will it be good for children that their parents remain united throughout life, or will it be preferable for them to separate and form new unions, with or without new children? Is it better that the nature of love is to perpetuate itself, or is it perhaps better that it has an intended purpose? And so in everything else ... let's design it at our discretion!
If we take the experiment of such a project seriously, we may find that the existence of some norms is very convenient - or even necessary - and that many of those norms are those that already exist. And perhaps that helps us to control our rebellions and it is easier for us to try to live and live with our family. Let us observe that parents want their children to obey them, and that in no way do they think that such obedience violates their freedom or violates their dignity and rights.
And the same think the children, regarding their parents, when they want them to remain married. And everyone thinks the same when they want others to fulfill their obligations. The problem arises only with the fulfillment of our own obligations: those that undermine our freedom and violate our dignity and rights! In truth ... in silver ... isn't this a childish attitude?
The historical process of family disunity
From another point of view, there are historical circumstances that have favored family disunity and, consequently, adverse ways of thinking about family union. One of the main ones was the invention of the steam engine, which resulted in the appearance of the factories; and another was the Napoleonic idea of a compulsory, free and secular school. Before all that, just a couple of centuries ago, humanity was mostly illiterate, as the schools were elite, as priests, military and noble.
Parents used to work at home or have a workshop with her; and there husband and wife helped each other out, whether she brought him a jug of fresh water or that he helped her move something heavy; and the sons were apprentices of the father's trade, while the daughters helped the mother in the housework.
As it turned out that factory and school were developed in parallel, and that the factory took the father from home, while the school did the same with the children. And the mother was left alone at home, or at least without adult company, alone with the small children; soon the kindergartens appeared, and eventually the mother ended up going to the beauty salon, sports club or working in a company.
This was how the walls and ceilings of the house, the home, were left alone, or in the hands of the servitude, for most of the day. Little by little the schedules relaxed and the home became a kind of qualified hotel, where everyone has breakfast, lunch, dinner and sleep at the time they want, if they do it at home.
The work of parents and children today favors family disunity
The father's job is to earn family support; that of the children consists in studying at school, and that of the mother in attending the house, if she has no servitude. And if you have it, your homework usually becomes more and more indefinite. The fact is that the family has stopped living together, and getting to know and value each other, while working. The wife does not value the husband while working; Who values it is the secretary or the executive assistant, and he to her, and that is why they tend to get tangled up. The woman is not valued while working domestically, and that is why she wants to leave that job and go to work outside the home.
The children are usually lazy, in the sense of having fun in groups of friends until they leave high school, without knowing almost anything they were supposed to learn in 15 years of school - including kindergarten - neither speaking correctly, nor listening, or read, or write, or Geography, or History, or Mathematics, or Physics, or Chemistry, or civics, or morals, or religion, or help at home ... let alone work. And this does not speak so much of the children, but mainly of the school, of our education system in general.
Out of those who have had to work as children because of necessity, what has been said in the previous paragraph is what usually happens. I would like to emphasize that it is not a paragraph that seeks to achieve expression effects; It is not even a paragraph that exaggerates, but wants to just express the truth clearly, even if it is a truth whose clarity is crude.
What matters is to highlight the fact that the family is falling apart, is ceasing to live together, is ceasing to know and value themselves while working; all of which results in lack of mutual understanding, lack of love and loneliness. A vacuum undermines the inside of each family member; emptiness that will seek to be filled with anything - easy money, alcohol, infidelities, lovers, drugs, aggressions, depressions - and that will tend to separate the parents definitively and make the children a troublemaker or some evildoers.
The fact that terrorism developed among Arabs, who have had harems instead of well-established families, is still sobering. To be losing family is undoubtedly a red focus. Luckily the invention of the computer has made it possible to work and study virtually, and that, unlike the steam engine, is returning home to family members, starting with the father. Hopefully we know how to take advantage of these new opportunities to return to the family unit.
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This website seeks peace, first personal and then social. It tries to discover and correct the mistakes that have been established in the main aspects of our lives: politics, morals, values, religion, etc. This can be seen as something aggressive, without actually being so. It's important to read with a broad mind and without prejudice, with a critical and constructive attitude.